I have another appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I find out the results of my recent blood tests. Nervous? Yes. Can you tell? No.

I'm nervous because I should be finding out how bad my recent diagnosis of PCOS is, and whether other symptoms that more often than not come with PCOS may be affecting me (diabetes, heart problems etc) Most of the symptoms, I have. And that scares the life out of me.

My biggest fear out of all of this... is to not be able to have children naturally. Not be able to give my husband the one thing I know he wants more than anything in this world. Not be able to fully be a woman. The more I think about it, the more I feel sad, confused, worried, upset, anxious, depressed. And, I feel like I don't really know who to talk to about it.

My Mum brushes it aside like its not really going to affect me. My sister has a much more serious health problem and I feel like I should be thankful I'm not suffering what she is facing every day. I really feel for her, and don't want to put anything more onto her shoulders. My Mother in Law knows little bits. My Sister in Law (who I'm happy to talk to about everything else) sees the problems of PCOS from her best friend and I'm worried that if I tell her I will hear more scary or more horrible things than what I already know. And my hubby, although he knows more than anyone of the way I feel, I don't want him to worry. I don't want him to feel like I've let him down by not being able to be 100% a woman.

I know what you're probably thinking... "Of course you're still a woman!" but it doesn't feel like that when your body doesn't work like a normal woman's body and you produce more testosterone than most women. That's not very womanly to me.

I wish there was some kind of magic pill I could take to make PCOS just go away. Go back to wherever it came from! But there isn't apparently. There is just ways of making the symptoms not so bad.