I have another appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I find out the results of my recent blood tests. Nervous? Yes. Can you tell? No.

I'm nervous because I should be finding out how bad my recent diagnosis of PCOS is, and whether other symptoms that more often than not come with PCOS may be affecting me (diabetes, heart problems etc) Most of the symptoms, I have. And that scares the life out of me.

My biggest fear out of all of this... is to not be able to have children naturally. Not be able to give my husband the one thing I know he wants more than anything in this world. Not be able to fully be a woman. The more I think about it, the more I feel sad, confused, worried, upset, anxious, depressed. And, I feel like I don't really know who to talk to about it.

My Mum brushes it aside like its not really going to affect me. My sister has a much more serious health problem and I feel like I should be thankful I'm not suffering what she is facing every day. I really feel for her, and don't want to put anything more onto her shoulders. My Mother in Law knows little bits. My Sister in Law (who I'm happy to talk to about everything else) sees the problems of PCOS from her best friend and I'm worried that if I tell her I will hear more scary or more horrible things than what I already know. And my hubby, although he knows more than anyone of the way I feel, I don't want him to worry. I don't want him to feel like I've let him down by not being able to be 100% a woman.

I know what you're probably thinking... "Of course you're still a woman!" but it doesn't feel like that when your body doesn't work like a normal woman's body and you produce more testosterone than most women. That's not very womanly to me.

I wish there was some kind of magic pill I could take to make PCOS just go away. Go back to wherever it came from! But there isn't apparently. There is just ways of making the symptoms not so bad.

In the past, I haven't been so wise with my money. Before I was married, I had pretty much a disposable income. I would buy on impulse and half the time, would wear/use something once or twice and then forget about it soon after.

If I could turn back the clock to my first full time job at Cotton On as a sales rep, I would have saved my money and purchased a unit. I don't think I would have lived in it, maybe for six months to secure the first home owners grant but after that, I'd rent it out. This way, at least some of my money would have gone to something important and I'd have something to show for my hard work prior to getting married.

I'm lucky to have a hubby who is very responsible with his money. Sometimes he stresses me out a bit with budgets etc (he is a very smart man and enjoys maths and working things out!) because having a budget requires me to stop being irresponsible but 99% of the time, I see the big picture and really appreciate the way he is with his money.

The past few months I have come to realise that I need to start focussing in on our furture more. We began this journey together in June/July last year when we purchased our first home together. This was a big step for us and a very exciting one to say the least! By doing this, I feel like it really is mine, like my work isn't going to nothing but its securing our future.

I read an article today about budgetting etc and these are some helpful tips that I think are important.

1. Have an emergency savings fund that covers three months of expenses. Transfer 10% of your salary into a seperate "emergency" account each pay until you have reached the required amount and do not spend it unless there is an emergency!
   
2. Before you do anything, put 10% of your salary into savings. Ideally, you should contribute this 10% into your superannuation on top of what your employer must. Then, another 5-10% into a savings account to save for things such as cars, houses, holidays etc.
   
3. Only 60% of your total income should go towards essentials. If its more, find ways to cut your costs.
   
4. Date Money - allocate a reasonable amount to your enjoyment. The artical recommended 20-25% of your salary but I think thats a bit much. My hubby and I usually like to go out once a week and do something nice and that will usually cost us less that $60. Outings with friends and loved ones don't always have to cost money. Some of the nicest things I have ever done, never cost a cent.
   
5. Find your money leaks... write down every single expense you have in the month. From that coffee to the $2 tip at the resturant. This will identify the areas which you can cut back.
   
6. Tell your friends. If you don't tell them, then they won't have a problem asking you to go out five nights in the week... but if you do tell them that you are trying to work out your finances then it will be easier for you to say no if they do ask.
   
7. Use cash instead of eftpos. By withdrawing your money at the beginning of the week and refusing to use cash, you will physically see the money you are spending and be wiser about how you spend it.
   

Hope some of these tips help you out. I'm sure they'll be helping us out a bit.

Sarah x

23 things to do before I'm 23

1. Try Yoga.
   
2. Watch the sunset with my hubby somewhere beautiful.
3. Plant a vegie garden in my backyard.
4. Take my hubby to a footy game and drink a beer!
   
5. Visit an art gallery.
   
6. Visit family more often. (Nigel's parents, Nigel's sisters, My Family, My Sisters, My Aunties, My Cousins. Those who live so close, yet I hardly see them!)
7. Go canoeing again.
   
8. Write a letter to someone who has deeply affected my life and let them know it.
9. Read all of the books in my bookcase and blog about each of them.
   
10. Buy some really really pretty lingere.
11. Drive to my sisters place again.
    
12. Go horse riding again.
    
13. Apologize to the people who I have hurt in the past couple of years.
    
14. Tell my husband how much I love him every day.
    
15. Take up a course of some kind... scrapbooking? sewing? writing? photography? massage?
16. Go for a Sunday drive with my hubby and our camera.... and then be able to tell a story through our photos.
    
17. Engage in small acts of kindness (eg: compliment a stranger, let someone into my lane during rush hour traffic, leave nice notes, just find a way for someone to smile each day!)
18. Write a detailed budget with my hubby and stick to it!
19. Take my three dogs to the beach somewhere and let them go crazy!
20. Have a proper dinner party.
    
21. Learn to sew.
22. Tackle some harder recipes and show them off to family and friends!
23. Practise being happy everyday. Finding things in my life to be thankful for every single day. And reminding myself of these things by saying them over and over to myself.
    

I'm 23 in eight months. I have 23 things to do now and I will blog about each of them!

Seven Important Dietry Tips for Women with PCOS

I found this on the Internet tonight in my efforts to distract myself from worrying about my hubby in hospital. It is point form rather than the full essay so its easier to understand!

Tip One: Eat foods that are low GI and low GL
- Low GI and Low GL ensure slower absorption of glucose into your blood stream. It allows your body to burn more fat and to balance hormones.

Tip Two: Eat natural based foods
- No processed food.
- Eat food as close to its natural state to gain the full benefits of nutrients.

Tip Three: Eat the good fats
- Fish, avocado, nuts, seeds are all beneficial fats.
- Omega 3 (found in fish) is important to lower inflammatory.
- Reduce meat, dairy, cakes, cookies, crackers.

Tip Four: Drink the right liquids
- Water Water Water!!! Drink 6-8 glasses a day!
- Say NO to caffeine, sugar, sweeteners, processed juices.
- Say YES to real fruit juice, dandelion tea, chamomile tea and especially spearmint tea (this is particularly important for PCOS sufferers as it lowers testosterone)

Tip Five: Reduce or Avoid Dairy
- Dairy independently increases insulin which means more testosterone is produced.
- Worsens symptoms like acne and body hair.
- Development of heart disease is increased highly.

Tip Six: Focus Point - Protein and Vegies
- Three serves per day of quality protein and vegies.
- Lean meat, chicken, fish, nuts, eggs and legumes. This will maintain muscle mass and encourage cell growth.
- Eat loads of vegies as this creates protective antioxidants, provides essential nutriants and fibre and maintains the health of the gut.

Tip Seven: Use Apple Cider Vinegar
- This is proven to reduce insulin resistance (one of the main problems with PCOS)
- Have it in water before meals and make suaces and dressings with it.

The Love Of My Life

Nigel - my husband, my love, my best friend.

He is sick right now, in hospital recovering from heart surgery. Turns out his heart stops beating and he needed a pace maker. The situation of course is not a good thing, but the pace maker will be a good thing for him as it will ensure his heart will never beat below 60 beats per minute. (If it does, the pace maker will beat his heart for him.) He will be off work for up to three months now recovering. He won't be able to lift or move around much which will begin to annoy him to no end, I'm sure of it! Whats strange is that he is 30 years old, lives a healthy life, exercises everyday, non smoker, occasional light drinker. There are people out there who live totally irresponsible lives and never have these problems.

It's been hard for me these past few days. I couldn't bare to be without him and I am so thankful to God for looking after him all this time and finally giving us an answer.

Nigel said to me this morning "I am excited" I replied "What for?" and he said "The future. I no longer need to live in fear" and that just sums it up for me. Him saying that made everything seem right. It's true. No more fear.

Self Saucing Chocolate Pudding

• 60 g butter
• 1 1/2 cups self-rasing flour
• 1 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup cocoa
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 teaspoons vanilla essence
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup cocoa (extra)
• 2 cups boiling water

• Place butter in a microwave proof dish, melt on high for 1 minute.
• Stir in sifted flour, cocoa, sugar ,milk and vanilla.
• Beat until smooth with a wooden spoon.
• Sprinkle with sifted cocoa & brown sugar.
• Pour over boiling water.
• Cook on high for 12 minutes (watch incase it boils over).
• Let stand 5 minutes before serving.
• Serve with icecream or cream.

I'm back now!

So my trip to and from QLD was a fun one! I love seeing my sister so much, and can't wait to move there with my husband, Nigel. Whenever I go to visit my family, I come home wishing that we were able to move straight away but I know in reality it won't be for a few years still.

While I was in QLD, I did a whole lot of shopping! I managed to find a super cheap pestle and mortar which I'm very excited about using! I also found a low GI book which has been an interesting read, teaching me alot about energy consumption within my body - which foods are good to eat and which aren't so good. OH! And... my sister and I found this little shop in Surfers Paradise where we bought mini geni bottles and the man filled them with fragranced oils. So nice!

I came home to a very neat and tidy house. My hubby did a wonderful job of keeping the place clean for me. I hardly had to do anything today which was nice.

Tomorrow I want to go to the markets in the morning, then IKEA in the afternoon to buy a magnet plate for my kitchen wall to hang my herbs and spices on. Then come home, make dinner, relax and in bed early before I'm back to work on Thursday =(

Goodnight for now... x